On Thu, May 15, 2003 at 12:15:51AM +1000, Hamish Moffatt wrote: > On Wed, May 14, 2003 at 10:06:23AM +0200, Josselin Mouette wrote: > > Package: fb-music-high 0.1 > > High quality music files for frozen-bubble > > Frozen-Bubble is a free clone of the popular "Puzzle Bobble" game, > > written in perl and using SDL. It features 50 levels of 1 player game, a > > 2 player mode, and beautiful music. > > It features 50 levels for single player, two player mode, and beautiful > music. I recommend: Frozen-bubble is a free clone of the popular "Puzzle Bobble" game, written in Perl and using the SDL library. It features fifty single-player levels, a two-player mode, and music. I struck "beautiful" because I do not think that package descriptions should editorialize. > Two questions: do you need to mention that it's free (of course it's > free if it's in main) and do you need to mention perl? and SDL? I think both of the above are fairly harmless. Explicitly noting that it's free may be good in that it brings to people's attention that "Puzzle Bobble" is *not* free. After all, people make clones for reasons other than software freedom. > > This package contains the high quality version of the musics needed > > within the game. They feature 16-bit samples, leading to higher quality > > output, to the price of being about two times larger. > > This package contains the high quality version of the music used > within the game. It uses 16-bit samples, leading to higher quality > output, at the cost of about twice the disk space. As Hamish recommended, but I prefer two spaces after periods at the ends of sentences, as you originally had. > > Package: fb-music-low 1.0.0-3 > > Low quality music files for frozen-bubble > > Frozen-Bubble is a free clone of the popular "Puzzle Bobble" game, > > written in perl and using SDL. It features 50 levels of 1 player game, a > > 2 player mode, and beautiful music. > > > > This package contains the low quality version of the musics needed > > within the game. > > s/musics/music. (Never add an s to music.) I would say: This package contains lower-quality versions of the music used by the game. (Is the music really *needed*? Will frozen-bubble not work without music?) > > The game mainly consists of firing randomly chosen bubbles across the > > board. If a bubble hits a clump of at least 2 bubbles of the same color, > > they all pop. The goal is to pop all the bubbles on the board as quickly > > as possible. > > s/2/two/ but some may disagree. Otherwise OK I think. As a rule of thumb, I spell out small quantities. In journalism class they taught me one absolute: *never* start a sentence with numeric digits. > > You WANT this game. > > I'd leave that bit out. Yes, drop it, it's editorializing. > > Package: frozen-bubble-data 1.0.0-3 [...] > Why's this is a separate package? Is it always required? Probably so that there aren't 11+ copies of this arch-indep data in the arch-specific game package. Er, wait, it's written in SDL, isn't it. Maybe the game engine revs more frequently than the data, or vice versa. Or maybe they come from the same source package and that theory won't work either. Hum. > (Don't use commas before "and" usually.) It's acceptable when enumerating more than two items, but I agree, not in the case you cited, which enumerated only two. > > Package: gtk2-engines-smooth 0+20030512-1 > > The smooth engine for GTK+ 2.x > > The smooth GTK2 Theme Engine is a simple GTK2 theme engine intended to > > be smooth, fast, and highly configurable, to the point that it could > > eventually be capable of mimicking most, if not all, major theme engines > > to high degree of acuracy, while still retaining a small footprint. > > I think this sentence is way too long. Try this: > > The smooth GTK2 Theme Engine is a simple GTK2 theme engine intended to > be smooth, fast, and highly configurable. The engine could eventually be > capable of mimicking most, if not all, major theme engines to high degree > of acuracy but still retains a small footprint. "could eventually be capable of" feels very awkward. How about: The engine can potentially mimic most... > > This GTK+ theme provides a nice-looking GTK/Gnome desktop using vector > > icons of yellow tones, which can be resized at will. This package will > > be especially useful to owners of low-end hardware (as SVG icons are > > rendered much faster than PNG ones) or high resolution displays. > > > > It also includes a matching GTK 1.x theme. > > OK. Please be consistent. I think the developers of "GTK+" prefer it to be written with the trailing plus, and the developers of "GNOME" prefer its name to be written in all capitals. > > Template: gtk2-engines/restart_gtk_apps_for_svg > > Type: note > > Description: Handling of GTK+/Gnome themes using SVG > > You are installing one or several GTK2 themes using SVG icons, and > > the SVG loader is not currently installed. It is OK, but you have to > > restart your applications using GTK+ or Gnome after installation so > > that the icons display correctly. Without that, the theme will just > > look bad. > > You are installing one or several GTK2 themes using SVG icons, and > the SVG loader is not currently installed. This is OK, but you will > need to restart your applications using GTK+ or GNOME after installation > so that the icons display correctly. Until then these themes will look > bad. > > (I'd prefer poor than bad, but maybe bad is more accurate.) "looks bad" is almost standard speech these days, if a bit informal. "looks poor" sounds weird to my ears and might be misinterpreted as "looks destitute". There may be a .us/.au divergence here though. Alternatively, he could say "the theme will just look like shit" and everyone will know what he means. ;-) -- G. Branden Robinson | Debian GNU/Linux | If ignorance is bliss, branden@debian.org | is omniscience hell? http://people.debian.org/~branden/ |
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